The Past is The Past

I have been thinking this more and more lately....how much energy is wasted thinking about what's already been, trying to climb out of a past that only exists because I keep repeating it in my mind. In other words, not living out and making new the present moment. Look at MySpace, I challenge you to go delete one photo from your album...which you are present in. Believe me, you'll get a feeling like, but I don't want to forget that. Why, because your past is part of you. That's all good, just make sure it's not keeping you there.

I came across what was supposed to be the introduction article on Dirt City Zine...taking us into 2008. I never posted it for some reason, but as I reread it, it took me back to where I was in January, mentally and physically. A good fresh place, and obviously done with age 22, happy to be 23. On the otherhand, it made me realize, how unproductive it would have been to linger in the past, because now I don't remember what was so horrid about 22, though at the time was significant enough to bring up in an article. So, here it is.

>>>>>For me, the hardest thing about writing, well writing from experience, has always been that I might offend someone, or that the someone who has inspired this certain piece will know it is he/she. I guess honesty can be harder than I think sometimes.

Last week I was riding high, not to mention, I was reading a book on Jim Morrison and Linda Ashcroft’s platonic relationship…so naturally I was subconsciously taking on his state of mind through the week. At anyrate, I hit a plateau on Thursday night, when I was told I had not seen enough of the real world to understand, the darker sides of this life. Now, this is not the first I have been told this by an elder peer. I used to think there was some truth to it back then, but now that I have reached the same age as they were when they told me this, and still have the same approach to life, and have been through a heck of a lot in seven years, I am not so sure. Still, I have not abandoned the observation.

At any rate, this plateau got me thinking that I was doing something wrong. Is my outlook on life naïve; unsympathetic to the rest of the world? Is life just waiting to have its fun with me, and take me down Elm Street? Has my hand in life been that much luckier? And even more so, I began to think, well, how do I become a better person, if so.

So, I began to think of how I related to the friends and family members in my life and their problems, and them to me. I began to think the ways in which they treated me, that made me feel better, or lifted me up. The things that stuck out to me were acceptance and sympathizing or relating, to make me feel I was not alone. And, the second, which came from my parents, was honesty. Now if I had to choose between receiving sympathy or honesty, which would I choose? Both are acts of love, both were needed, and both were selfless.

Though, the latter is hardest. For you fear the risk of losing someone’s admiration, because you just told him or her everything that was wrong. Your only hope is that truth shows through in the end. That down the road they realize they needed an honest look at themselves; to have the gun under the bun; to get the ass moving in the right direction. I was obviously taking my sweet time; sympathizing a little too much with my situation.

So, we come to a cross-road. Without the sympathetic stories of being age 22, my sister had afforded me at the time, I wouldn’t have any hair left. And, more importantly, been able to help others down the road, by shedding humor in our dilapidated, but hopeful, human states.

My sister showed me that tables turn; my parents taught me to help myself; my friends told me, you can lean on us. So, as 2007 comes to a close, I’d like to think I have learned a few valuable lessons. That in the end truth prevails. And secondly, that we are all in this together…no matter what the card reads.

On that note, I’d like to add, that there comes a point in helping someone that we can choose to perform an act of selfless love (expecting nothing in return).
If you can take an honest look at yourself and intensions, and can find an act of help selfless, then I applaud you. I applaud you, because I have found that it is harder to let go of someone that you help, because of an inevitable bond that builds through invested time and open wounds. So, when it is time to let go, it is hard to keep the act selfless, wanting to still be needed and have this temporary companionship. But, life is fleeting and so are the people in it, so take advantage of every moment and friends, and their wonderful company while you can.

Peering out over the ocean, we sat on the coquina wall of the Daytona Bandshell. My friend so perfectly asked, “What would you do with this picture?” Looking back, I probably should have ripped off my clothes, run to the sea, and flagged him to go skinny dipping, feeling the rush of adrenaline and new birth. But, I didn’t. Instead, I said, “Hmm..good question.” As if I expected the answer to float out of the clouds, if I stared long enough.

So, as you’re riding your days out, periodically ask yourself, “If I had this new moment in time (which, yes, you do), what would I make of it?”